A woman went to have her picture taken and said to the photographer, "Try to do me justice please."  The photographer who was blatantly honest and without tact said, "Madam, what you need is not justice, but mercy."

     A man saw a Christian woman killing a mosquito and said to the Christian woman, "Why did you kill him?  I thought you are supposed to be a loving people who are not supposed to kill.  The Christian replied, "The mosquito was biting me!"  About a half hour later a mosquito landed on that same man's back, who then quickly killed the mosquito.  The Christian woman questioned the man, "Why did you judge me when you are doing the same thing?"  The man smirked and replied, "That one is a back biter, and all back biters will perish."

    One scientist said to the Lord, "Lord, we don't need you.  We can clone, we can transplant hearts, we can do everything that they call miracles".  So God said to the scientist, "Let us then go and make a man". 
The scientist knelt down to pick up some dirt.  Then God said, "No, no, no.  Go get your own dirt!"

    A mother had invited several members from her church over for dinner.  She then asked her 7 year old daughter to say grace before they ate.  The daughter looked at her mother puzzled and asked, "But what should I say?"  Mother told daughter, "Just say what I have said before".  Her daughter closed her eyes and said, "Lord, why did I ever invite these people for dinner!"

     A young girl in her school class began to talk to her teacher about Jonah and the whale.  Did you know that Jonah was swallowed by a whale and survived?  The teacher responded that it was not possible because the digestive process would have killed him.  Well that's not what my Sunday school teacher said the young girl responded.  The girl saw that her teacher began to become irritated and said that she will just ask Jonah herself when she gets to heaven.  The teacher looked at her and said, well what if Jonah is not in heaven.  The girl replied, then you can ask him.

     At one monestary the monks that stayed their lived by several rules.  One was that they had to eat porridge daily and nothing else.  Another rule was that only one of them could speak per month and only one statement.  One month Fiery Roman stated "I hate porridge".  A month passed and Fiery Roberts declared "I actually like the porridge".  Another month past and the head master Fiery Oliver said "Can you two stop this constant bickering?"